Humor....I need Humor!

[rubytuesday]

BODY STATISTICS

It takes your food 7 seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

One human hair can support 3 kg (6 lb).

The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.

Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.

A woman 's heart beats faster than a man's.

There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

Women blink twice as often as men.

The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.

Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.

If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.

Women reading this will be finished now.
__________________________

Men who read this are still busy checking their thumbs.

[Redbeard]

Left or Right?
:thunbsup:
Actually, I got lost after I had both thumbs down measuring the length.
How do you measure three thumbs length?

[Redbeard]

Word Definitions for Women


Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' ... That will bring on a 'whatever').

Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F**KYOU!

Don't worry about it, I’ll do it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

[rubytuesday]

Not sure. Aren't they the same length? Three times the length of my left thumb (and I am not a man) is about 8 inches. :thunbsup:

[Redbeard]

Not sure. Aren't they the same length? Three times the length of my left thumb (and I am not a man) is about 8 inches. :thunbsup:

I started with my right thumb at the base and placed my left next. I do not have a third thumb to measure the remaining length and I got confused.
:faceplant:
Gotcha

[Redbeard]

I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:

A half-gallon of Skimmed milk,
A carton of eggs,
A quart of orange juice,
A head of romaine lettuce,
A 2 lb. can of coffee, and
A 1 lb. package of bacon.

As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated, 'You must be single.'

I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since I was indeed single I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of me, I said: 'Well, you know what, you're absolutely right. But how on earth did you know that?'

The drunk replied, 'Cause you're ugly.'
:whew

[rubytuesday]

I started with my right thumb at the base and placed my left next. I do not have a third thumb to measure the remaining length and I got confused.
:faceplant:
Gotcha

I used a tape measure (or a ruler), placed the base of my left thumb on the end, marked where my thumb ended, placed the base of my thumb on the mark, and repeated the process. No third thumb needed. :]

[Redbeard]

I used a tape measure (or a ruler)

I am still confused.
I used a ruler that I borrowed from one of our LunchMongers

[Redbeard]

The results of a recent research show that during your marriage, you go through 7 stages of sex.

The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex
This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone, and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.

The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex
This is when you have been with your wife for a short time, and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.

The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex
This is when you have been with your wife for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine, and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.

The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex
This is when you have been with your wife for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say 'screw you.'

The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex
This means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular)

The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex
This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.

And; last, but not least,

The 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex
You get a little each month. But not enough to enjoy yourself.

[rubytuesday]

I am still confused.
I used a ruler that I borrowed from one of our LunchMongers

:nyuknyuk: Let's hope your uh..thumb length is somewhere between the 3" and 33". Of course you could lay your thumb on the ruler, I am sure it at least 3....and multiply by 3....which would be....?